X Files
by FirestarterX
Summary: Not what the title leads you to believe, trust me. Truth or dare MY way.


**Dib: **Ow... My head... Where am I?

Zim: AHHH! filthy hyooman! What have you done to the mighty ZIM!

X: (appearing out of nowhere) Geez Zim, do you blame Dib for EVERYTHING?

Zim: ...Yes... Your point is?

Dib: Hey, who are you? Where are we? How did you appear like that? How do you know our names? How-

X: Dib, would you mind shutting up for a minute? You're giving me a headache. ( Grabs an Advil out of the bottle which just appeared out of nowhere) Okay... I'm FirestarterX, But you can just call me X. You are in my head, and will only be allowed out when I'm finished with you. I appeared like that because I wanted to. I know your names because I come from an alternate universe where you guys are just a TV show. And Dib, no, I'm not crazy. If you accuse me of that I'll feed you to Gaz's stuffed animals.

Dib: (closes mouth and swallows nervously.) Can I ask why your mind looks like a giant dungeon? There's even decomposing bodies in the corner.

X: (Glances over to where Dib is pointing) Oh _yeeaah..._ (Snaps fingers, and the room changes into a giant bedroom with a plasma screen TV, hot tub, bean bags, laptop, Gir wallpaper, and a ton of IZ plushies scattered around) Better?

Zim: So, filthy hyooman... what are we doing?

X: We-

Zim: Answer me!

X: We're go-

Zim: Answer me!

X: This is hopeless. (Snaps fingers and causes duct tape to cover Zim's mouth)

Dib: Definitely an improvement...

X: Okay, we're going to be playing Spin the Bottle Truth or Dare. Happy, Zim?

Zim: (tape disappears) Why would I be happy?

X: (sighs) Okay, first, Both of you have to sign this paper saying that if you lie or do not go through with the dare, you agree to be turned into plushies and thrown into a mob of fangirls.

Dib: I have fangirls?

Zim: How do you know if we lie?

X: I KNOW EVERYTHING.

Dib: O.o creepy. (Signs paper)

X: Zim, you have to sign as well.

Zim: ZIM WILL SIGN NO PATHETIC-

X: (Pout and sniffles)

Zim: Oh alright. (signs paper)

X: HA! VICTORY FOR ME!

Dib: You and zim should get along just fine.

X: Lets get started. (Drags three beanbags over into a circle, And takes a bottle of Coke out of the mini fridge)

Dib: Isn't the bottle supposed to be... (watches her chug the bottle in less than a second) Never mind.

X: Sit down so we can get started. No, Zim! The Gir one's mine!

Zim: (Backs away, sitting in the pink beanie)

X: I'll start. (Spins bottle, landing on Dib.) Truth or Dare, Dib?

Dib: Truth.

X: You're no fun... Is it true that your Mom died when you were little?

Dib: (Wincing painfully) ...Yes.

(Zim inhales sharply, making the others turn and stare at him)

Zim: Dib... I had no idea... I'm so sorry... ( Dib stares, shocked) I mean... I AM ZIIIIM! (Fist pump!)

X: Um... okay... Dib's turn! (Quickly looking away from the green boy who was now standing up)

Dib: (Spins bottle, lands on Zim) Truth or Dare, space boy.

Zim: ZIM ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE! (clears his throat) I mean... Dare.

X: This oughtta be good.

Dib: I dare you to... be a human for the next seven turns!

Zim: How is that even possible?

X: I Have an idea. Climb in here. (points to a tanning bed like contraption with the word 'Humanifier-thing' written in bold letters on the side)

Zim: Okay... (climbs in cautiously, staring at the dangerous-looking contraption)

X: (Slams it shut) Okay! Lets push some buttons and see what happens!

Dib: Wait, you've never used it before?

X: Well, yeah, but on a rock. It grew eyes...

Dib: O.o Poor zim...

X: Let's start! (Pushes buttons randomly until machine comes on. You can hear Zim screaming inside for twenty seconds until it turns off. Lid opens)

Zim: Ow...

Dib: (Jaw drops) Zim, you look... normal... (Zim is now a pale tan, with shiny black hair coming down and covering one pale green eye. He is a tiny bit taller, and is normally proportioned)

Zim: Yes... great... Um, X? Do you have something for me to change into? This suit is kind of... small.

X: Yeppers! (tosses him a purple t-shirt, black jacket, and blue skinny jeans) Bathrooms that way.

Zim: Thanks! (Runs in direction indicated)

X: (Quietly) C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song. C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song. And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong...

(Zim returns wearing normal clothing)

Dib: Hey, where's your other clothes?

Zim: They... um... got a bit ripped...

X: What about your pak?

Zim: My Pak? What do you mean, it's right... (he paled, patting his pack frantically) I can't turn back without my Pak! I'm stuck as a human forever!

X: It'll show up. let's get back to the game. Zim's turn.

Zim: (spins bottle, landing on X) Truth or dare, X?

X: what happened to 'filthy hyooman'?

Zim: Being a human isn't TOO terrible.

X: Oh well. Dare.

Zim: I dare you to... toss Dib-worm into the hot tub and turn the hot tub up to 120 degrees!

Dib: Are you INSANE?

X: Most likely. Wait, were you talking to Zim? Never mind. Ready?

Dib: NO!

X: Too bad.

Dib: IT BURNS! DX

Zim. Danged human emotions. You can get out now.

Dib: I hate you, Zim.

X: Hate is such a strong word...

Dib: Why do you think I used it?

X: Mkay. My turn. (Spins bottle, landing on Zim)

Zim: Dare.

X: I dare you to... Call Gir here, then give him all the sodas in my fridge.

Zim: (cringing and calling home) Gir? Come here. I have a surprise for you.

Gir: Can I bring MINIMOOSE?

Zim: As long as he promises not to destroy anything.

Gir: Aww, But I wanna Explode!

Zim: FINE, Gir. You can explode. W-wait! NOT NOW, GIR! You'll blow our cover!

Gir: YAY!

Zim: No, Gir. That's not good.

Gir: YAY!

Zim: I'm inside some girls head here are the coordinates. Do you understand them?

Gir: Uh huh!...No...

Zim: Gir, just enter them in your tracking system.

Gir: I took it out!

Zim: You took what out?

Gir: That chippy... tracky thingy!

Zim: Why!

Gir: Duh! To make room for the taco! ( Munching sound is heard.)

Zim: I hate doing this... Gir! Behavioral Overdrive System commence!

Gir: Yes Master! Awaiting command! (Dib stared at the robots change of tone)

Zim: Locate your master and head straight to my location.

Gir: Yes sir! (Call ends)

Dib: What just happened?

Zim: I called Gir.

Dib: What happened at the end? When he started obeying?

Zim: A few months ago I installed a system that fixed his craziness.

Dib: Why isn't it on all the time?

Zim: He tried to kill me last time I turned it on. (Dib stares, Zim turns to X) Rethinking your dare?

X: Nah. ( A whistling sound is heard in the distance. Gir crashes through wall and does a somersault before standing and saluting Zim)

Gir: Mission accomplished Master. (he turned to Dib) The Dib human! I shall eliminate the threat, master.

(Zim had just enough time to shout 'NO!' and jump in front of Dib before a giant red blast shot out and hit him in the chest.)

Zim: (Thrown back by the blast, hitting Dib) System deactivate!

Gir: (Eyes returning back to green) Master! I'm so sorry Master! ( Jumping Onto Zim's still body) Masta, Wake up! I didn't mean to!

Dib: Zim? (Tears filling up his eyes) Are you dead?

Zim: (Opening one eye and glaring at Dib, a difficult task because of the tiny robot who was clinging to him and making him smile at the robots antics.) It would be difficult to answer yes. (He pulled himself to his feet shakily) I'm fine. Gir's blasts are programmed to not hurt his master.

Dib: Then why...

Zim: My DNA's a bit different.

Dib: ...Why did you block me?

Zim: Because you would be dead right now if I hadn't. Let's get back to the dare.

Gir: Can I have the surprise now?

X: Yes, Gir. Come here! (Opens fridge) See all this soda? It's all yours!

Gir: REALLY? I LOVE YOU STRANGE HUMAN WHO I DON'T KNOW! ( Dove into the fridge, closing the door behind him. 10 seconds later, Gir walked back out, grinning wildly. He stood still for a minute, eye twitching.)

Zim: TAKE COVER! (Gir screams wildly and bounces around the room. Taking a sharpie, he draws moustashes on all the faces on the wall and gives them all names.)

ONE HOUR LATER...GIR...

Gir: This is the song that never ends... Yes it goes on and on my friends...

Dib: KILL ME NOW!

Zim: Gir, you can blow up now.

Gir: Yey! (Explodes into fragments)

X: Zim's turn! (Wipes pieces of Gir off of shirt)

ZIM: (Spins bottle, landing on X) I dare you to steal Gaz's Game Slave.

X: But I'm supposed to get to choose truth or dare!

Zim: LIES!

X: Whatev. (A game slave pops into her hand)

Dib: (Screams and runs into the bathroom, where various tool sounds come from)

(Gaz breaks through the wall, steaming from her ears)

Gaz: WHERE IS IT!

(X snaps her fingers and and iron cage drops around the furious Gaz)

(Cage falls apart)

X: Crap. (Throws game slave at Gaz and turns into a taco)

Zim: Sure, leave me alone why don't you.

**End of First Chappie.**


End file.
